Reflecting on 2016, and looking forward to 2017

2016 was an eventful year.

There were many tears. I have had to say goodbye to so many people. My beloved grandma (I still remember standing on the cliff top, receiving the phone call and breaking down in tears, my weekly practice of calling my grandma is still so engrained in me, I miss her laughter, I miss teasing her to make her angry, and I miss sleeping on her bed when she isn't watching), my adopted church grandma (I miss you running after me at church, your radiant smile and the way you made church feel like home)... many of my friends also had breakups with their long term partners.

I had some pretty ambitious plans for my job, love and life. And this week's sermon spoke to that. I put my ladders up in the wrong place, so even if i was succeeding, I wasn't succeeding in the right things.

And so at the end of it all, i'm not praying for my will be done, but I'm looking forward to the adventure of 2017 where HIS will will be done.

Movie review: Finding Dory (2016) DVD

Finding Dory (2016) is out on DVD next month, it would make a fantastic Christmas gift!

I loved finding Nemo when it came out because it spoke about the importance of family, friendship and adventure. Finding Dory follows a very similar story line but yet it was different enough to entice me.

I absolutely loved it, I laughed and cried and laughed and cried some more. In this hunt for my own family, one that I haven't met yet, i'm searching for a sense of belonging.

on point

Apparently "on-point" is the same as spot on. I've been working with clients on the "bullseye" values chart lately and the idea is that you plot where your values, how important they are to you and then mark how closely you are living according to those values. When you are on point, you basically are living exactly according to those values.

On personal reflection, there are several areas of my life in which are on-point and several areas that are so far apart from where I want it to be.

Areas I think I'm doing well in:
- Travel
- Adventure
- Work
- Family
- Friends

Areas I need to work on:
- My relationship with God
- My own family -- haha, need to find a partner first.

I think the bullseye is great to use to determine the next decision in your life. Will making the next decision lead you closer to your values or pull you further away?

Life is short

Feels good to go to bed exhausted. I wonder if I can find a like minded person out there that lives life to its fullest!

Live it well- switchfoot

I want to live it well
I want to live it well
Take the burden from my arms
Take the anchors off my lungs
Take me broken
And make me one
Break the silence and make it a song
Life is short I want to live it well
One life, one story to tell
Life is short I want to live it well
And you’re the one I’m living for
Awaken, oh my soul!
Every breath that you take is a miracle
Life is short I want to live it well
I want to sing with all my heart a lifelong song
Even if some notes come out right and some come out wrong
’Cause I can’t take none of that through the door
I’m living for more than just a funeral
I want to burn brighter than the dawn
Life is short I want to live it well
One life, one story to tell
Life is short I want to live it well
And you’re the one I’m living for
Awaken, oh my soul!
Every breathe that you take is a miracle
Life is short I want to live it well
I got one life
And one love
I got one voice
But maybe that’s enough
’Cause with one heartbeat
And two hands to give
I got one shot
One life to live
One life to live
Every breath you take is a miracle
Life is short I want to live it well
Gangs of Palomar Publishing / Penny Farthing Music (ASCAP) c/o The Bicycle Music Company

10 years ago today

In our weekend catch up, a bunch of friends who have been friends for 10 years now, had a reflective discussion.

What did you think you would be able to accomplish by today, 10 years ago? What achievement are you most proud of?

The questions and their answers were so thought provoking, especially since I've grown up with these people over the last 10 years. Have I accomplished all that I thought I would? No. I have accomplished more than I think I would in different areas of my life, the things that were important to me then, are less important to me now though. God is truly magnificent as he slowly reveals his plans for me in my life. I look forward to spending the next 10 hopefully with the same group of friends. 

Me before you

Yes, do have tissues. I'm a hopeless romantic, and it's "funny", every time I say that phrase, I think of my dear friend. She passed away a few years ago from cancer and when we were young we would write novels, not just short stories but crazy novels and plays. Our teachers were so encouraging that they made a whole grade sit and watch up perform one of our plays.

This movie reminded me of our crazy adventures together. And this movie reminded me of every time she fell in love. Hopeless romantic. It's where you read the first page of a book and you dream up the rest of the story line. It's where you meet someone for the first time and can already imagine all the lovely adventures, arguments and life story you could have with them.

Sometimes I dream of meeting Mr Right. But then Mr Right would dream of meeting Mrs Right, not Miss I'mActuallyOk. And my dear friend used to dream of meeting Mr Right. And used a lot of her energy dreaming. And when her life was taken away, despite her best battles, I think she was still dreaming. After all, dreams are often better than realities.

It's funny how we have been conditioned to think that there will always be happy endings. That people would live happily ever after. But often, no always, life isn't that simple. And awakening from dreaming can cause use to feel quite shocked and out of place. There is life, there is death and there are all of the experiences in between. These experiences are all gifts.

As clique as it sounds, we should treasure each day. If we truly knew that our days under the sun were limited, how would we spend the time? Would we sit around and watch tv, hold grudges against people who cut us off in traffic, be sorry for ourselves because our own love story hasn't had a happy ending? Or would we really LIVE. Really experience all there is that life has to offer us.

What lies in the next chapter?

Just finished watching "inspector gourmet" and in it's last scene, one of the main characters says, "we don't know what the ending is, one thing is for certain, you will certainly find something new in the search". How apt the phrase. I had a chat with my ex-recently and he told me something I didn't want to hear, but was glad he said that I actually like being single. As much as I want to deny, I do enjoy this season of singleness God has given me. I like the idea of being in love, of being in a relationship and of being in a family. And perhaps one day I will have these things.

But when I smiled for no obvious reason while climbing up the stairs, I realised one thing. I can be happy without those things too. This time a few years ago, I was struggling to walk, had no permanent job, was still grieving over a lost relationship... let alone do stair climbs at work and feel completely free from relationship scars. I am thankful for the recent chapter, which was drawn to a close with a few meals with random strangers. This next chapter of my life, like all other chapters is going to be interesting, sometimes boring but nearly always epic. And the God that was with me from the beginning will surely reveal new and exciting adventures for me in the next chapter.

And it does feel good to be blogging again, a way for me to really capture what my thoughts are and document my progress and growth. I've missed this. Feels like I've found an old part of myself again, someone who is quite vulnerable and real...