Spring is coming

15:54:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments

The winter has been too long. As if inspired by the movie Frozen, I have been really frozen inside and out. It has been a very long winter for me and things have been at a standstill for so long.
The PhD took way longer than I expected, the clinical endorsement problem and financial stress was lingering for longer than I had expected, recovering from sickness and heartache all took it's toil.

For a long time, my life was suspended, as if there was no movement. Now, all of a sudden, so many things are happening for me. Will get the feedback from the first round of PhD examiners in a little under 2 weeks, handed in the forms to get clinical endorsement (marking the end of the clinical registrar program), finally down to the healthy weight range, finally smiling a full smile, finally getting some financial stability, and fnally getting somewhere with letting go of past pains (reconnected with old friends and aligned myself with new friends). I'm not there yet, but I feel the spring air coming.

But through all that, I struggled. I struggled because I tried to find my own way of solving all these problems. I would start with solution A...Z, and nothing would work, it would seem that I dug myself deeper and deeper into debt, heartache, procrastination, depression. Relying on my own might was a waste of energy. When I learned to let go, ask people to pray for me, pray for myself, and just let go, and LET GOD, things started to fall into place. Not into an image of what I thought my life would look like, but a picture of what God wants my life to look like.

Building the perfect man

19:29:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments

A fair few friends have been seeking my advice on love lately. And I think likewise, I have been curious to find out why people choose the partners that they do.
No one is perfect, we are all imperfect sinners needing grace. A wise friend and I had a chat about this today, she said, people aren't not good enough for your or vice versa, one is simply more blessed by God in a certain area. Because everything is from above. AMEN to that!
We are however, allowed to choose qualities that matter to us. And equally so, to choose qualities that don't stick well for us. So when I stumbled on this image on facebook today, I had a little laugh, just how would I spend $5 to build my perfect man. I found it simply impossible to do choose all the qualities I thought were important. And isn't that a great reflection of reality, how no one is perfect.

going the wrong way - again

20:32:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments

The morning started out great, which made this afternoon/evening a lot easier. And I really truly had a great day at work - feeling valued, enjoyed a great lunch with my new buddies, and was able to put some skills into practice. And I believe it's to do with the 6 day work week, waking up at insane hours before the sun has risen that made this afternoon really really difficult.

4.08pm. In my joggers walking to Upper Mount GStation, down 3 flights of stairs.
4.15pm. Happy chappy - got to the bus stop, 555 bus arrived taking me to university bus stop 3 mins away.
4.18pm. Arrived at university stop, and a 169 bus arrived so I got on....
4.23pm.... Why am I back at upper mount G? Ok, I'll climb up 3 flights of stairs, cross over to the other side. Another 150 bus arrived.
4.26pm... got back to the university stop, and ok, this time breathe, climb up the stairs to hop on the 150 bus on the other side....
4.30pm... down the stairs, and hopped on a bus, won't get it wrong this time. a few minutes later, again I arrived at Mount G... What on earth? sweat down my forehead, absolutely spinning, heart racing, nausea... about to cry...really crying and broken inside.
4.37pm... waiting patiently for 220? to take me back to the university bus stop.
4.40pm... finally got to the university bus stop, waited patiently for a P137 going in the right direction...
5.00pm... (an hour after I finished work) finally got to the train station... train pulls up, and i collapse in my seat.
6.03pm... finally arrive at the final train station.

7 bus transfers. Up and down enough stairs for my weekly cardio. Absolutely dead tired. Disorientated. Defeated.

Asking for prayers regarding these epic trips of mine to work. Not quite sure 4 hour commute really fits for me, but it will have to do for the next 6 months.

Another friend engaged

20:35:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments

It's funny, we met together 2 weeks ago, it was almost as if we had guessed this would happen. Yes, she's engaged. My batman loving friend. As soon as I got the news I was smiling ear to ear. What great news to start off the week!

So amongst all these weddings and engagements that I have been attending, I have tried to remain relatively invisible. Because the question always comes up, and I smile cheekily- yes, I'm still single. And so the happy couples all around me offer their advice and services as potential match makers. The brief is simple but tough. Only introduce a man after God's own heart to me- someone who would love God more than everything, even me. Someone who would turn down an important sports match, career progression, tv dramas, lifestyle choices, in the service of God. I have yet to meet such a person. In fact, I'm not even that type of person.

There are so many times, that I have chosen to dine with friends besides attend an extra prayer meeting, or watched an extra tv show instead of spending time in God's word, or aimlessly surfed the internet instead of singing praises. So why on earth would a man after God's own heart choose me to be a partner? My only strength is that I'm a Christian- and not even a good one. I have a multitude of flaws- from being extremely critical, lazy, selfish, etc.... Well I have undersold myself, I have one other strength, that is I am developing each and everyday- I am becoming less critical, lazy, selfish, etc over time.

So it would seem that I would also want to find a man who is wanting to be after God's own heart. Someone who is craving growth in Christ, and that someone also wants someone to grow together with.

In my speech at my best friend's wedding, I spoke about the proposal. There really wasn't spectacular fireworks, nor rose petals that littered the floor. There was no romantic music or flash mob dance. Instead, it was simply the perfect words, said at the perfect time, by the perfect person for my best friend. I'm also not going to make the mistake of trying to find the perfect person- because they don't exist (even if they do, we wouldn't be compatible, because I am far from being perfect). Instead, I will look for the perfect person for me. Someone who is just as imperfect as myself, and who is determined to grow with me in Christ.