the lord giveth, the lord taketh away, and may his name be praised

20:44:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments

It's been a humbling few days. I take pride in my work, MY work. So when it's taken from me, of course it hurt. Then, like any human, there were sensitive emotions and grossly exaggerated thoughts. But like any good therapist, I engaged my support network, did some self soothing and did some reflecting on my values.

Does it actually matter? I guess it felt like being stabbed in the back and then have the mat pulled from underneath me. The way I sell the story, I couldn't see anyone who wouldn't empathise with me. Yet, in the grand scheme of things, I don't think it matters as much as I thought it did in the moment.

I've had a very good weekend- great hike yesterday and the work issue really didn't matter when I got lost in the bush. All I could think about at the time was, Mum and Mr MK would be pretty annoyed at me if I couldn't find my way back to the carpark, (because I hadn't told anyone I was going to go hiking, went off the trail and did it by myself with no preparation, not even a backpack with water). Yes, I safely made it home with a few bruises. Mostly, I made it home with a fresh mindset.


Throughout today's church service a phrase repeated itself in my head. "The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away, and may his name be praised". The exact words from Job 1:21 is a bit different: and said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."

My name on a paper is simply another "THING". But my name on a paper isn't anywhere on my 30 before 30 list, nor is it a particularly important value of mine. I think this experience has been a huge blessing. I have been working crazy hours and spending a lot of effort on something that isn't the most important thing to me yet I am determined to serve out the rest of my contract with all my might as to be a good witness for others and for others to see God's mercy and grace in my life. I am a sinner. But I have been saved, and it's about time I use this experience as a way to reach out to others.

The project was just something the Lord (not man) gave me, and I learned a lot through the process. Now that the Lord has taken away, I shall still praise the name of the Lord.


I cried at work today.

19:37:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments

Yes, I cried at work today. It's been a while. I didn't cry because of any clients or any conflicts with particular people at work. I cried because it hurt. And I let myself.

There is sometimes shame attached to crying. It's a natural human expression, and sometimes, the more it hurts, the more you want to cry. And it's a true moment of suffering.

I had some interesting time thinking about the situation. I cried because it hurt, it hurt because it mattered. It wasn't effective to keep crying, so after a few tissues, I allowed myself to reset gradually and focused my attention to what actually mattered.

And on the ride home, as I was waiting at the traffic light, I smiled. I smiled even though my eyes were still a bit teary. I am so incredibly blessed. I thanked God that 99% of the time I love ALL elements of my job, that is extremely rare. I thanked God because I actually care about the work I do. I thanked God because I love the people I work with and alongside. I thanked God because I have a supportive friendship network. And I really really thanked God for the challenge he gave me today. Not enjoyable, but an important experience.

While I may still hand in my resignation letter, for every last moment I have left at work, I will put in my all- because of the people (even though the thoughts of doing vindictive things have cross my mind :P).

Hurt is a human experience common to all humans. Even Jesus, cried. it was the shortest verse in the bible- "He Cried". And just with those two words, it communicates something we can all understand. Hurt is a natural part of our current existence. I am just like anyone else. And I'm loved by a God who understands the pain that I have gone through today.



#11- improve cooking skills

20:13:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments

I know, I know, I haven't made the goal very specific. So really, I could have learned one skill and ticked it off my list. It's amazing how God provides me with opportunities to refine my skills. A bit unexpected at the time I set the goal, but I moved out of home and had to cook for myself. And because of a colleague at work, I found myself trying new recipes. 

Over the past few months, I have learned how to cook with foods I have never even heard of with techniques I've only seen on masterchef. I am far, far, far away from being a masterchef, but I guess the spirit of the goal was to in someway prove that I was self sufficient. And I surprised myself.

What I have found out is that cooking is an incredibly tedious task. I'm not quite sure how my mother has done it for so many years. I slave over the stove for half a day and end up with a bunch of meals for the week. And by the end of the week, I definitely have to cook again. This is not including the time where I have to visit the shops, and visit the shops again because I forgot to buy the key ingredients.

Over the last couple of days, I find myself worrying not about whether I am eating or drinking, or whether I have enough clothes, or whether I would feel safe. I find my thoughts drifting to Mr MK and his family's tough situation- whether they are warm, well fed, or safe. But from the other side of the world, there is very little I can do. I am 100% reliant on my heavenly father to provide them with their needs during this time...


“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" Matthew 6:25-30

Why do bad things happen to good people?

09:53:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments

I'm not the only one who wonders this. I know. This morning I got some pretty bad news. I mean, I can handle when I have something happen to me. It's ok when my room gets flooded and things are damaged. I'll just sweep out the water, throw the property away, and I thank God that I had the property in the first place, and that most of my important things were left untouched. It happens. I'm ok when I discover a new health problem. I'll just thank God that I've found out earlier rather than later, and listen to the advice of the medical professionals. There have been deaths amongst my family and friends. I understand to some degree that it's beyond my control. I understand that some things just happen.

BUT... when bad things happen to people I know to be good and innocent. I struggle with that. Why do children suffer with illnesses that are incurable, why do good people get robbed, why do planes drop from the sky, why do natural disasters lead to the deaths of hundreds/thousands of people.

GOD DOESN'T MAKE THESE THINGS HAPPEN. He doesn't cause these things, he loves us - why would he cause these things to happen purposefully? Yet God allows these things to happen. This is a stumbling block for many people either new or established in their faith.

It's not something I can come into grips with right now. Especially since I think everything happens for a purpose. Then I think, even Jesus asked if the cup of suffering could be taken away from him, if it was according to God's will. All this suffering we go through now? Well, I'm glad our God actually has suffered himself, for our sake, so to some degree I understand that God does allow suffering. Jesus went through betrayal- his own friend sold him out. He went through isolation- his own friends ran from him. He went through physical pain- he was beaten and hung on a tree. He went through grief- his friends died. He went through hunger, emotional hurt, etc. He even went through death.

Yes, GOD ALLOWS BAD THINGS TO HAPPEN TO US. And to those around us. But that is never the end of the story. After death, Jesus rose to life. That is to give us hope in a life ever lasting.

Our time here is very temporary. For some people, more temporary than other people. The suffering we endure here is also very temporary in comparison to the grand scale of eternity. I can't give you an answer of why God allows bad things to happen to good people. Nor can I understand it. But I accept that is one of the things I will never understand, and no matter of intellectual or emotional problem solving will get me any closer to the answer. And the bad things that happen? Well that is never where the story ends.

The book of Job is a prime example of this. God allowed satan to take away his children, his property, the support from his wife, the support of this friends, his health. Yet he chose to praise God during this time.

“The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised” (Job 1:21).


And that wasn't the end of the story, you will have to read it yourself to understand. What I am getting at, and processing for myself is how to praise God when things are tough.